The world often demands that queer artists reflect an image of resolution — happiness found, self-empowerment achieved, identity solidified. But to live and create honestly is to expose the grayer areas of life, and on Miki Ratsula’s sophomore album, i’ll be fine if i want to, Miki paints a gorgeous sonic gradient. Expanding on their acoustic roots, Miki transcends the singer-songwriter genre and effortlessly blends indie rock and bedroom pop with an electro undercurrent for a bigger, more evolved sound. As a trans, nonbinary artist, they touch on sorrow and love to envy and apathy, all the way to outright anger. But the unifying message is one of agency. Having self-produced the entire record, Miki has not only grown as a producer, musician, and songwriter, but also as a person. On i’ll be fine if i want to, Miki doesn’t ask, but rather demands that the world take them as they are, whether they’re expressing joy, pain, or something in between.
Based in Southern California, Miki has been releasing music independently since they were 16, having racked up over 50 million streams in the process. Even before the release of their first album, the Finnish-American artist built a sizable audience by openly and honestly welcoming people into their world, from coming out to getting top surgery to struggles with mental health. After releasing their 2022 full-length debut i owe it to myself, Miki went on the road, completing their first national tour supporting Lauren Sanderson and Jordy, followed by dates with Ambar Lucid & Sammy Rae & The Friends. Not only has Miki connected more deeply with their audience over the past year, but they’ve also received praise and playlisting by the likes of Billboard Pride, them., Under the Radar, PopMatters, The Advocate, and more.
On the new record’s first single “jealous of my brother,” Miki takes a unique, uptempo acoustic progression and turns it into a dreamy, pop gem complete with twinkly synths and catchy riffs. The flip side to this buoyant musical bop is a story of gender envy and familial pain. Wanting to authentically reflect the trans experience, Miki describes the jealousy they feel around their brother, not only of the ease with which he is able to move through the world, but the blanket acceptance he receives from their family. Miki says the song “introduces a space that people are uncomfortable with. You can work on being the best ally you can be, but there are times when you’re going to say the wrong thing.” Exploring that discomfort is really the theme for the album as a whole, as well as the contrast between a bright sonic texture and a more somber message. But like Miki often does, the song ends on a more hopeful note — the jealousy they feel does not take away from the fact that their brother is Miki’s most supportive ally among the family. “I’m grateful for him because he’s the one standing up for me.”
Second single, “what would the neighbors think” is no doubt, the album’s heaviest track. Continuing with the theme of family and pain, Miki dexterously plucks out a ballad detailing the loss that is felt when you don’t receive love and acceptance from those you need it from the most. Right before the track’s recording session, Miki learned some heartbreaking news and wasn’t sure they’d be able to record. With a friend’s support, they pushed through and the result is Miki at their most raw and vulnerable. “I loved what we made in that room and I didn’t change anything,” says Miki. “Even though it’s really sad, making that felt so special and felt so right.”
“blue balloons” continues on the path of emotional ambiguity, detailing how a friend misgendered Miki at their birthday party. Feeling not quite angry, but somewhere closer to disappointment and definitely annoyed, the track captures that unnamable feeling, both lyrically and sonically. Featuring fellow queer artist Semler, the track starts with an energized strumming and then veers into more haunting territory during the chorus with a melancholic take on the 1963 hit “It’s My Party.” Layered with ambient samples of background chatter, the song is as Miki describes, “very weird. It has a creepy feeling to it, but it feels exactly like the type of song me and Semler are supposed to make together.” Featuring the album’s title with the lyrics, “it’s my party, I’ll be fine if I want to,” “blue balloons” is really about being unapologetically queer and emotionally unwavering.
That belief in oneself is not just a core thread running throughout the entire album, but is especially potent on, “if i blame myself.” A groovy, electric guitar driven jam, the track is really a showcase for Miki’s musicianship. Starting from scratch several times, the song’s final form is the result of Miki experimenting and jamming out solo for a day. Layering acoustic and electric guitar with bass, Miki says, “I felt like a musician in its truest form.” Inspired by their time on stage, “if i blame myself,” is a true testament to Miki’s performative abilities, and proof that they’re ready to tour with a full backing band. But aside from the track’s dance worthy groove, the story behind it details the toxic relationship with an emotionally abusive ex team member. While those themes may seem dark in contrast with the song’s overall vibe, Miki is offering their listeners a chance at catharsis. What better way to get over something than to dance it off?
But where “if i blame myself” hints at anger, “lied to your therapist” turns that feeling up to eleven. Miki describes it as “the heart of the album,” and they’re not wrong considering the song’s expansive sound, seamless collaboration, and biting lyrics. Featuring OSTON, the pair not only connected musically, but over their shared history. Among other toxic behaviors, both had ex team members who pitted the artists against each other. As the ultimate clap back, Miki and OSTON joined forces to create one of the album’s most dynamic tracks. To finish off the production, Miki turned to OSTON’s partner Drew Polovick, a producer and member of the rock band Friday Pilots Club. Bringing that heavier pop-punk edge, “lied to your therapist” is the perfect marriage between sound and story. “I want it to feel so healing when everyone is screaming it on stage,” says Miki. “It gives me chills thinking about it. It’s such a fun song and writing and singing it with OSTON felt so right and symbolic of everything we went through.”
While those feelings of release are essential to the record, Miki says, “I didn’t want it to be such an angry, sad album. I’m about to get married. I want to celebrate something, so now we’re going somewhere happy.” “unconditional” is that happy place, although it’s laced with a certain bittersweet sound. A love song to its core, Miki stacks their vocals for a spine tingling melodic odyssey, pulling the listener into a sweet, nostalgic space. “Queer people deserve love, queer people can be loved,” says Miki. “I actually do have unconditional love even though it seems like this whole album is me talking about how I don’t, I actually do. I don’t want people to forget about that, I don’t want her to forget about that, and I don’t want myself to forget about that.” Vulnerable both in the lows and the highs, ultimately Miki’s impressive second album is about taking back a sense of self-worth, whatever that may look like day to day. “I have the power to feel what I want to feel,” says Miki, and they’ve most definitely shown their power on i’ll be fine if i want to.
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